I'm Finally Here

So I'm finally here. My ass caught up with me after being in London the last week. A few things first. Mama Rose is amazing. The only thing cooler than her actually is the other side of the pillow. Her and I were talking the other day and I told her that it felt like I was selfish because I was getting so much more from her and the kids than I could ever give. It's the most honest thing I can say. I went into town with Ken (the new volunteer who brought a guitar YEAH!!!) and Quinn (probably the most awesome Canadien since Ray Bourque). I bought 80 work books, 100 pencils, 10 sharpeners, and a bunch of erasers. I wrote in each one, with the help of Quinn and Sarah, the alphabet and 123... It felt good to bring them in and see the kids when I gave them out. I've been reading the bible and one of the things that Jesus taught us is that giving charity should be done in secret, well I Gong Showed that! Sorry JC.

I'm about as dirty as I've ever been and I don't mean in a porn sort of way I mean there is a filth on me, especially on my feet, that isn't going to come off for a long time. My clothes are never really clean, they just cease to smell which is good enough for me. The whole thing is fine. I don't mind being this dirty. It reminds me of camping and being a kid. Mom, was I always dirty? Bef, Amamam I dirtee Boy, cause, I tink it's...um..nice (oh wow, annoying voice in a journal, moving on).

I've broken one of my sandals so now I have a pink one and my American Eagle leather one. There is a smell in the air that I've never really smelled before. There are no landfills here and dump trucks are just sort of out of the question. What they do instead is collect enough garbage and then torch it. It makes for quite a smell and it's everywhere. It smells like ganja to be honest, and when that stuff is as readily available as it is, I have a hard time distinguishing. The dust, the heat, the bugs. Oh yes, I'm finally here.

Theres something else going on. I've struggled about what it is I want to write because I'm kind of on the defense about it. The dishonesty is everywhere. It's like the burning of garbage, you can't escape it. I feel like I could float on through the next month and a half and not confront it, but would I still be the man I want to be? I've been asking myself why I am here, in this place right now with the people that I'm with. The answer is simple for me, God wants me here. Maybe I can't see it clearly right now, but I know that bigger things are happening than I know what to do with. We're figuring it out and I'll be less cryptic about this in the future. I'm on it. The mix of dishonesty and warmth is amazing. What a gift to be in such a place. I have made so many friends that I will cherish. It's amazing, the people you meet in a place like this. So many things, so many things.

I'm off to Zanzibar in the morning with Quinn and Sarah for a long weekend of what my English friends would call, fuck all. I'm so looking forward to this time to chill out and regain my energy. I've recently been realizing more and more how everyone in my life has helped to shape the person that I am. All of you have made it possible and I feel you here with me at all times. I'm praying for all of you and hope that you are doing so well. I'm finally here and there is no where else I'd rather be.

Love,

Nathan